Hidden layers – the best way to keep warm and stylish this winter…

Sometimes it’s hard to let go of our favourite spring/summer jackets, even if there are completely unsuitable for winter. Layering thick jumpers underneath tight/lightweight jackets adds bulk and creates a deeply unflattering shape, and wearing flimsy layers underneath lightweight jackets means that you’re likely to freeze during the cold winter months…so what’s the solution?

It’s easy, wear thin warm layers! You can still wear a cool outfit underneath your jacket and look stylish once you’ve shedded your layers.

What type of layers should you wear?

Fleece

Ok so fleeces aren’t in vogue right now, but they do the job when it comes to keeping you warm and can actually (with a bit of clever styling) look pretty cool and urban. Uniqlo sell a fantastic range of fleeces which are also very reasonably priced. They provide a great way of adding colour to your outfit…try clashing a fuscia pink hooded fleece with a patterned/animal print scarf for an up-to-date look.

Wool

One of the warmest fabrics available, wool is guaranteed to keep you toasty this winter. Even if you’re going somewhere where you need to look glam, you can still get away with wearing wool – try throwing a cute woollen cardigan over a girly dress or a bright coloured knitted jumper over a pair of smart trousers. Even if the jumper/cardigan doesn’t match your outfit it doesn’t really matter – as soon as you reach your venue, you’ll be striping off your layers anyway! M&S do some great wool jumpers in a range of styles and colours.

Thermal

Thermal vests aren’t just for old people and explorers! You’ll find an abundance of surprisingly pretty thermal vests on the high street which could almost be worn on their own. Get into the habit of wearing a fine thermal vest underneath your jumper and you’ll be guaranteed to feel all cosy and warm

Is it normal to talk to yourself?

Many of us talk to ourselves on a daily basis; we may ask ourselves out loud if we’ve remembered to switch off the heating before we leave the house or utter a verbal list of things we need to do that day. Ask around, you’ll be surprised how many people that do this.

But some people don’t like to admit that they talk out loud; they’re embarrassed as it is often perceived as strange or abnormal…but is it?

Inner dialogue

We all have inner dialogue with ourselves. When we try on a new outfit in a clothes shop, we might ask ourselves if it looks good or if we’re about to do something stressful, we often try to calm ourselves down by saying that everything will be ok. This is normal and healthy. Without this we wouldn’t have any thoughts and where would we be without those?

Self-talk

Athletes have been practising positive self-talk for years – it helps them psyche themselves up for winning a race and performing with confidence. Positive affirmations in the form of self-talk (spoken out loud) provide a healthy way to reconnect with ourselves and tell ourselves positive statements that our brains will then start to believe. The next time you prepare for a run, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are strong and fit, speak out loud with conviction and you may just be surprised with how well you run that day. PMA – positive mental attitude isn’t just a myth; positive affirmations are a proven way of maintaining a healthy outlook on your life with outstanding results if practiced regularly.

When it becomes a problem…

The definition of ‘normal’ and ‘abnormal’ isn’t black and white – there are no rules and right answers as the question ‘what is normal?’ is subjective. If it feels ok to chat out loud in the privacy of your own home and you’re not telling yourself negative things then carry on as you are! However if you find yourself saying ‘I am stupid’ or ‘I am worthless’ or unhelpful statements along those lines then you need to speak to a counsellor and get to the bottom of your problems. Reinforcing negative thoughts by verbalising them is detrimental to your mental health and requires outside help. Also when you’re talking out loud are you responding to your own inner thoughts or someone else’s? If you’re hearing a different and perhaps unfamiliar voice then again, you need to chat to you GP or counsellor.

Five things you can do to dramatically improve your health…

Give up smoking

Quite obvious really but if you want to dramatically improve your health then you need to quit smoking. You will lower the chances of developing cancer, heart disease, lung disease and death and if that’s not good enough…food will taste better, you’ll smell fresh and you won’t harm others around you with your second-hand smoke! So what’s stopping you? Visit your GP for help – they can talk you through the process of quitting and can prescribe you nicotine replacement therapy if required.

Alternatively visit the following NHS website for more advice:

http://smokefree.nhs.uk/

Cut down your alcohol intake

Occasional drinking is fine, so long as you stay within your limits. Ideally men should drink no more than 3 – 4 units (on a regular basis) a day whereas women should drink no more than 2 – 3 units per day. A glass of wine is typically 1.5 – 3 units, depending on the size of the glass and strength of the wine. A pint of beer is around 2.8 – 3 units. Men should try and stick to 21 units per week, whereas women should stick to 14 units. Cutting down your alcohol intake will lower your chances of liver disease and may make you sleep better. Your skin and eyes will become brighter and you’re likely to lose weight. Alcohol affects your body’s absorption of vitamins and also reduces cardio-vascular fitness and muscle growth. So if you want to improve your general health – drink less.

Learn the benefits of healthy food

Many of us eat when we’re hungry and don’t really think about what we’re putting into our mouths, but the purpose of food isn’t to just fill our bellies. Food provides us with vital vitamins and energy and helps us to grow and stay healthy. One of the best ways to become healthy is to educate and familiarise ourselves with food: the body is like a machine which requires healthy fuel to make it run efficiently. Try and eat your five portions of fruit and veg a day, don’t load your body with fatty foods, but above all have fun with your diet – a healthy balance equals a healthy mind.

Take up regular exercise

If you want to immediately feel good about yourself then get out there and release those endorphins! Try going for a brisk walk for a minimum of 20 mins x 3 times per week, then when you get used to this swap walking for a light jog, swim or a bike ride. Not only will this make you look better but you’ll also be brimming with confidence and have a healthy mind.

Take time out to meditate

Long term stress can suppress our immune system, which can then potentially lead to mental and physical illness. Take time to wind-down at the end of the day and relax. Try yoga or meditation – just a few minutes of deep breathing exercises a day can greatly reduce stress levels.

Visit here to try meditation for yourself:

www.learningmeditation.com

Is he cheating on you?

Ever have a gut feeling that something isn’t quite right in your relationship? Trust your instincts and keep an eye on your partner! Maybe you’re feeling insecure as your partner has a history of infidelity or perhaps his behaviour has recently changed? Either way, look out for these signs and if you still believe he’s cheating then you’ll need to confront him with your questions/finds.

Signs that he could be cheating on you…

A silent phone…

If your partner’s phone is always on silent or even worse, if it is never in sight then he might be hiding something from you. Try asking to use his phone (tell him that your battery has run out) and pay attention to his reaction – if he happily hands over his handset then he might be in the clear.

Your name isn’t stored in his phone…

Sounds unbelievable but some men have been known to actually store their partner’s name in their phone as an alternative name. If your name isn’t in your partner’s phone or you call and your name comes up as ‘Eric’ then you know something is seriously wrong!

Late nights at work…

Recently he’s been coming home later and later each night and when he arrives he’s defensive and tells you he’s tired. It may just be that he genuinely has to put in the extra overtime, however if he’s distant with you and you still have that ‘gut’ feeling then he might not be at work when he says he is.

Changes in behaviour…

If your partner has become distant and withdrawn yet fails to tell you what’s on his mind then there may be cause for concern. Of course he might just be stressed or tired so you shouldn’t assume he’s having an affair based on this alone.

Some people who are having affairs do the exact opposite – they lavish their partners with gifts and pay them far more attention then they previously did in the relationship. What you need to look out for is dramatic behavioural changes – why has he changed? Could he be feeling guilty?

If you think that your partner is having an affair then the most important thing is to not let him know that you suspect him. Watch his behaviour over a period of time, see if you notice any changes, or anything suspicious that he may say or do. When you feel confident with your findings then you should confront him and see how he reacts.

How to get your kids to eat vegetables…

Unfortunately most children recoil when faced with a pile of vegetables and this can put tremendous pressure on parents during meal times. It is vital for children to eat a variety of vegetables in order for them to receive essential vitamins – so how can you get your kids to eat veg?

Hide them…
Hiding vegetables should really be the last resort as it more important for kids to get used to eating vegetables as part of their daily meal. However, if your child will not touch a vegetable then try blending boiled cauliflower and broccoli and adding it to a tomato-based pasta sauce. You can also try adding raw grated carrot, which will give the sauce a nice sweet flavour. Blended soups are also a fantastic way of packing in handfuls of tasty vegetables and your child should be none the wiser. You could try adding pureed cauliflower or broccoli to creamy mashed potato too.

Making faces…
Make meal times fun. Food should be attractive – after all, who wants to eat a pile of overcooked boiled sprouts? Make salad faces with grated carrot or cress for the hair, halved grapes for the eyes and a red pepper smile – be inventive and see what you can create!

Getting involved…
Even better, get kids involved with food preparation – let them create their own smiley-face plates. Let them experiment with vegetables – there’s lots of things children can do without it being dangerous – mashing (potatoes and cauliflower), squashing with a fork (cooked sweet potatoes and new potatoes) and handling food to make something attractive that they would like to eat. Also remember kids like things that taste sweet – try roasting carrots and parsnips instead of boiling, you could even add a teaspoon of honey to the roasting process.

Setting an example…
Make sure that you eat the same vegetables that you’re serving to your kids – they’re unlikely to eat anything that you won’t touch! If children see you eat a healthy-sized salad, then they’re likely to follow suit. Bitter salad leaves can be made sweeter with dressings such as balsamic glaze – which actually looks like chocolate sauce too and is available from most good supermarkets.

Aperitif…
When you’re preparing a meal and your kids are hungry, leave a bowl full of raw carrot sticks, mangetout and baby tomatoes and baby corn on the table – provide a nice cream cheese dip or houmous and just watch as they start to pick!

We want to hear from you! How do you get your kids to eat vegetables?

Must have Christmas party dresses for 2009…

It’s nearly that time of year, when it’s time to let your hair down and have fun at the annual work Christmas party. The high street is abundant with fabulous dresses and you’re bound to find one that flatters regardless of age, shape and size!

Here are our favourites for Christmas 2009:

One Shoulder Slinky Dress…

Simple and elegant, yet stylish and edgy – this dress has it all. Wear with black opaque tights and heels for a classic look or wear with patterned or colourful tights to add a splash of colour. The great thing about this classic black dress is that it’s versatile and makes a great wardrobe staple.

Find it here:

Rise Berry Sparkle Dress…

Those who wish to make a colourful statement should invest in this ultra-glam sparkly dress. Figure hugging and shiny – this dress is for the brave only! The price tag is attractive too.

Find it here:

Animal print maxi dress…

This uber-stylish maxi dress would look great teamed with a pair of killer heels and a couple of chunky bangles. The print is bang on trend and the length is great for those who do not wish to flash too much flesh at the Christmas party!

Find it here:

Pleated Sleeve Jaquard Dress…

Lady Gaga would certainly go gaga over this statement dress! With bold sleeve details and rich fabric, you’re guaranteed to turn a few heads wearing this beauty.

Find it here:

Being single and happy…is it possible?

Those who are expecting an article giving advice on how to meet other single people will sadly be disappointed, this piece will offer no such advice. We need to stop thinking that the word ’single’ is something to be feared or avoided, indeed we need to stop thinking that ’single’ is a dirty word. It can be one of the most wonderful things in the world, but unfortunately lots of people still have a problem with it. Why? Let me explain…

Firstly we need to look at how society looks at single people and let’s start with films and fairytales – nearly every movie has a romantic storyline that goes a little something like this: boy meets girl – struggles to win girl over – eventually gets together with girl and boy and girl live happy ever after. Even if it’s not as obvious as that, more often than not there is an unrealistic undercurrent of sexual tension or romance. Fairytales tell us that beautiful girls meet charming princes and again live happily ever after and single women are often portrayed as unattractive witches or old ladies who live alone in tiny houses. What type of message does this send out to young girls or indeed grown women? It’s ludicrous. Times have moved on since a woman’s place was in the kitchen (thank god) so why do some people still look at single people, in particular single women, with pity?

Before moving on it’s important to note that this article isn’t an anti-relationship piece. Good, strong relationships are hard to find but when you do they can be wonderful, fulfilling and filled with love. However, many people are stuck in unhappy relationships for fear of being single – which is a shame as it really isn’t as frightening as they think. There are many things people can experience and enjoy whilst being single which they can’t when attached.

Being single is often a choice people make, it’s not because there’s something wrong with the individual or even because they can’t meet a partner, it’s because they choose to remain as they are, happy and free.

Tracy Lamar summed it up perfectly when she looked at the word ’single’ and really tried to understand the true meaning behind the definition, she reminded us that ”single simply means one” she then goes on to say that “one is considered a whole number. The number one does not need any other numbers to accompany it. It is complete and whole all by itself.” this is something we need to think about, because it is essentially true. When you’re single, you have more time to concentrate on yourself. This means that you can really get to know yourself inside out, you can listen to your heart and recognise what it wants. If you’re single then enjoy your freedom and time. You can afford time to learn what your expectations are and more importantly learn to feel totally comfortable and relaxed in your own skin. Many people in relationships take what they’re lacking from the other person – this can lead to resentment and an imbalance within the partnership.

It is possible to be happy as a single woman? Of course it is. When you’re single you don’t have to answer to anyone, you’re free to do what you want, when you want. You’re free to explore yourself and being independent and totally in charge of your life will only make you a stronger person.

Attitudes need to change towards single women. If you’re a single woman who casually dates then good on you, that’s your choice – men do this and get a pat on the back, why shouldn’t women? If you decide that you prefer being alone and enjoy your own company as well as the company of good friends then this is equally ok, again this is your choice. Remember, often the people who are in relationships giving you the pitying looks or trying to set you up with friends aren’t in happy relationships themselves. These people are scared of being alone and therefore falsely think that they sense your fear. They only need to take a few moments to realise that being single doesn’t mean ‘alone’ at all, it means that the world is your oyster and you’re free to do whatever you wish to do, whenever you wish to do it…

Are you stressed?

The question of whether you’re feeling stressed or not isn’t as black and white as most people would like to think. You can be stressed and not even realise it, which is often a concept people find hard to understand. Listening to your body is the key to tuning in to your stress levels and you might be surprised at the results.

Being aware…

Most of us have a certain level of stress in our daily lives and this is completely normal. A bad day at the office or an argument with a loved one can make our stress levels rise through the roof but so long as we’re aware of these feelings then we’re on the right path to understanding ourselves and dealing with our feelings of stress.

Triggers…

Do you know what triggers your stress? Maybe it’s important meetings at work or social gatherings? Everyone has different triggers and again, it’s good to be aware of what makes you feel uncomfortable in order to learn individual coping methods. Never avoid what makes you feel stressed. In the long run this will be counter-productive and could even cause phobias. Learn ways of coping – for some yoga and meditation is a great help as it slows down our breathing and quietens the inner critical voice. Others just find that sharing their worries with a friend makes them feel better but for some stress can become problematic and demands further attention. If your stress levels are constant or you feel as though you can’t control how you react to stress then chat to your GP who can asses the situation and may refer you to a counsellor. Take a look below to see the classic mental symptoms of stress.

Mental symptoms of stress:

• Anxiety
• Panic attacks
• Depression
• Increased or decreased appetite
• Feeling tired
• Difficulty concentrating

Being unaware…

There is a good reason for listening to your body – ignoring or being unaware of stress can be detrimental to your health in the long run. So, how do we ‘listen’ to our bodies and how do we know if we are suffering from stress? Take a look at these classic stress symptoms:

Physical symptoms of stress:

• Change in sleep patterns
• Dizzy spells or fainting
• Pins and needles
• Pounding heart
• Loss of sexual desire
• Chest pains
• Constipation or diarrhoea
• Feeling sick
• Skin problems

If you are feeling any of these symptoms yet lead a relatively healthy life with a reasonable amount of exercise and a good diet then you may be suffering from stress.
Stress manifests itself in a number of physical ways and even having a seemingly innocuous condition such as dry skin or a sore stomach – your body could be trying to tell you that it’s time to address your stress. If you ignore stress it won’t go away – it’ll find a way out and can even lead to heart conditions and stomach ulcers. Listen to your body and take a look at your life – are you happy? Are you going through a big change? Try to pinpoint what it is that is making you feel stressed and seek advice immediately.

Remember, stress is normal and not something that you should hide. Be honest and open with your friends and you’ll be surprised by how many people suffer and you might pick up some valuable tips on how to cope with stressful situations.

Useful websites:

www.nhs.uk

www.bupa.com

Dealing with an unwanted or unplanned pregnancy…

Unwanted or unplanned pregnancies do happen. The biggest aspect of dealing with a pregnancy that was not consciously planned is figuring out if you are going to keep the baby, place the baby up for adoption, or abort the unborn child – each of these choices have positive and negative consequences. The consequences can be felt by the mother only, if she chooses to exclude her partner in the decision making process.

If you are a young adult, then the very first thing you should do is to inform your parents, social worker at school, or some other adult that you trust know. Pregnancy is emotionally draining on adult women and as a young adult or child you are facing decisions that you are going to need support with. Once you have told an adult, you next need to inform your partner. If you are an adult, this is the first thing you should do. Then, once everyone is informed of this pregnancy it is time to weigh your options. Depending on how far along in your pregnancy you are, you may have the option of aborting the unborn child. This is not a decision that should be made easily or lightly as you may regret the decision later in your life. Speak to a doctor or nurse beforehand, to see what your options are.

One other option available to you if you do not plan on keeping this child is adoption. Adoption is an option, regardless of age. You can arrange to know the adoptive parents or you can do an adoption without knowing them. Adoption usually brings a couple that can not have children a child of their own. This option is best if you are not emotionally, or financially able to care for a child.

With adoption, please bear in mind that once the child turns 18, they are legally allowed to find you – even without your consent.
Many adopted children are happy with the families they have been adopted into and never search for their birth family, but there are also those that are happy and do search. Likewise, you also have the ability to search and find a child you gave up for adoption at the time they turn 18.

If this does happen and you are reunited with your child you gave up, there are no guarantees that they will understand your decision to give them up. There are also no guarantees that they will be satisfied with the life they have had with their adoptive family.
No matter what you decide, do so with a clear mind and please make sure that you don’t make the decision alone.

Helpful contacts:

www.womenshealthlondon.org.uk

www.mariestopes.org.uk

www.adoptionuk.org

www.direct.gov.uk

How to spot a commitment-phobe…

Someone who has commitment-phobia (also referred to as ‘emotionally unavailable’) has a strong fear of commitment – usually in the context of relationships. Both men and women can be affected by commitment-phobia, but it seems to be more commonplace amongst men.

There are many reasons why a man could be afraid of commitment and being in a relationship with someone who shows the typical signs can be a painful and frustrating experience. So, how can we spot them and how do we know that they are a commitment-phobe and not just in the wrong relationship?

Aside from asking him if he’s happy in the relationship, there’s certain behavioural patterns that make commitment-phobes stand out.

Relationship history

Of course this is age dependant and wouldn’t necessarily relate to a man in his early 20s, but if you’re dating someone who has a history of very short relationships it’s usually a strong indication that he has issues committing himself to one person. If the person in question has a long list of month-long ‘relationships’ then it might be difficult to get them to commit to you on a long term basis.

Being verbally clear

Many commitment-phobes often make their desires quite clear from the moment they start dating. They may declare that they have no desire to settle down, or there’s plenty of time left for marriage, or even say that they don’t want an exclusive relationship with one woman. Often when someone says “I am too busy right now for a relationship” this means that they’re not ready to settle down, or are actually afraid to ‘give up their freedom’, which unfortunately can be the way that they look at relationships.

Needing space

It can be confusing if you’re involved with someone who has shown a strong level of interest for a while then suddenly turns to you after a month or so and demands the need for ‘space’. The need for ‘space’ whilst maintaining some sort of relationship with you, can mean that he still wants to keep hold of you, yet feels claustrophobic and does not wish to feel ‘tied down’. This feeling of being tied down is part of the phobia and is brought on by his own fears – unless of course you’re putting an unreasonable amount of pressure on him to commit!

Closing up

If he closes up or gets nervous when you mention your future together (after a reasonable amount of time dating) then he’s definitely showing signs that he’s scared. This can be very confusing if he was initially the one to woo you into a relationship. Remember talk means nothing; it’s his actions that count. So be aware that at the start of any kind of relationship, if he’s making promise after promise, without actually acting out his promises, his words are empty.

Keeping you separate from his friends

If, after a few months you still haven’t met any of his friends then you know that something is seriously wrong. This is acceptable for a casual relationship, but if he has given you the impression that you’re both exclusive and yet doesn’t want you to meet his closest friends then what does this say? It says that he doesn’t see you as part of his future.

Still unsure?

If you’re still unsure whether you’re dating a commitment-phobe then the sensible thing to do would be to ask him what he wants, with regards to your relationship – simple? Well not really…you’ll have to ensure that you ask in such a way that you’re not putting pressure on him, after all, if he is afraid of commitment then this alone could make him run away! Be gentle, give him a little space and see what his reaction is. If he closes up and distances himself from you, then you’re more than likely on a losing streak and no matter how patient you are it might not make a difference. Either accept that your relationship is casual or move on. However if he admits to being afraid – well done! You can then make steps towards getting him help. Talking about this with a professional could really make a difference.